


But I Die Without You

by orphan_account



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Drug Use, HIV/AIDS, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Open Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 23:49:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They slept with other people. It was just a part of their relationship.</p>
<p>They were always safe, until they weren't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But I Die Without You

It was an open relationship.

 

Enjolras didn't want Grantaire to feel chained and Grantaire didn't want to go against Enjolras's wishes, so they had sex with other people. Casual sex. Fully consenting, casual, non-monogamous sex.

 

It wasn't supposed to end up like this. This was for tragic musicals based on Greek mythology or eighteenth-century operas. Not two men who adored each other and would build the other a temple to worship them at, who would willingly sacrifice everything they had just because the other told them to.

 

Enjolras couldn't help that the condom broke one night. He didn't even realise until the man fucking him had reached his climax.

 

When the man noticed, his eyes widened and his eyebrows seemed to freeze in their positions.

 

"Fuck. Fuck fuck _fuck_."

  

"What is it?" Enjolras asked, looking slightly annoyed, to say the least, at the prospect of having his afterglow ruined.

 

"I should've told you this beforehand," the man replied, his face in his hands. "Fuck. _Fuck_."

 

"There's no easy way to put it," he said. "I'm HIV positive."

 

Enjolras didn't need any other explanation. He got dressed and made his way down to the 24-hour clinic.

 

"I need to be tested for HIV," the told the receptionist. "No, I don't have an appointment. I need to be tested as soon as possible."

 

Luckily (or not), the clinic was mostly empty and it only took about ten minutes of waiting before Enjolras could be tested. He winced as the needle was stuck in his arm and his blood taken.

 

Now, all there was to do would be to wait.

 

-

 

"Grantaire, we need to talk."

 

The other man looked up from his book and pulled his thick-rimmed reading glasses off his nose. "What is it?"

 

Enjolras scrunched his eyes shut as he thrust the test results into Grantaire's hands. "Grantaire I have HIV because the condom broke and I'm sorry because now you won't be able to have sex with me I've done research but because of how it happened I can't let you and we're dirt poor so I won't be able to buy any medication and don't even dare to think that you're going to sell your art books because you adore them I know you do so - _fuck_."

 

All of this was said without a breath taken, and by the end Enjolras was gasping in air and sobbing dryly.

 

Grantaire sat on the sofa, just staring at the results.

 

He felt numb.

 

-

 

Enjolras was curled up on the sofa, reading up on various websites related to HIV and AIDS. He hadn't left he house except to go to the Café de Musain and meet up with his and Grantaire's friends. He told them a week after the night he showed the results to Grantaire, and they were all far too supportive.

 

-

 

"It would be so much easier if everyone just detached themselves from me instead of trying to help."

 

"Are you sure, Enjolras? Because they definitely don't think so."

 

"Joly probably won't let me touch him. It's a start."

 

"Are you even listening to me?"

 

A couple of laughs.

 

"Hm."

 

"Love you, R."

 

"Love you too, E."

 

-

 

"Enjolras, we need to talk."

 

Enjolras looked up, with a horrible sense of déjà-vu. He closed his laptop upon seeing Grantaire's face, which was carefully guarded and ice-cold.

 

"What is it, R?" he asked, his voice wavering as he imagined all of the scenarios that could have led to this moment. There was one that he flinched away from yet disgustingly wished for because if Grantaire was infected too, then they wouldn't have to live alone.

 

"Enjolras, I love you, but I don't think this will work," he said softly.

 

The blonde froze, his eyes locked on Grantaire's face, while the dark-haired man looked anywhere but into Enjolras's eyes.

 

"What do you mean?" Enjolras asked. He knew - he wasn't stupid - but at the same time he wished and wished and wished that this was all a nightmare and that Grantaire would be there when he woke up with a Chinese takeaway and they would watch TV and laugh together, curled up on the sofa.

 

"Enjolras, you're infected and… And I don't think I can deal with that." He paused, seeming to swallow. "Enjolras, I'm breaking up with you."

 

-

 

"Where are you?"

 

"Enjolras, what's wrong?"

 

"Where are you, 'Ferre?"

 

"In the Musain. Do you want to come?"

 

"Who's with you?"

 

"Éponine, Courfeyrac, Jehan and Grantaire."

 

"Can you go somewhere a little more private?"

 

A pause. The sounds of chatter fading away.

 

"I'm in the men's toilets."

 

"Grantaire… He split up with me."

 

" _What_."

 

Combeferre's usually kind voice was filled with venom.

 

"We're not together anymore. He's left me."

 

The sound of something being thrown.

 

"Enjolras?"

 

A distant voice shouted.

 

" _This fucking open relationship_!"

 

-

 

Éponine watched inquisitively as Combeferre strode out of the toilets and hoisted Grantaire to his feet. She was less puzzled than she probably should have been when the man complied unquestioningly with an accepting expression.

 

All of the spectators were shocked when Combeferre punched Grantaire in the face.

 

"How _could_ you?" he shouted. "He loves you, he'd willingly face death for you, he decided on an open relationship _because he thought it would make you happy_! Then you break up with him because he has HIV? I thought you felt the same way for him as he did for you. Was I wrong, Grantaire? _Was I fucking wrong_?"

 

Grantaire bowed his head and didn't respond.

 

"Enjolras was right," Combeferre muttered to himself. "You _are_ useless."

 

He left, leaving Éponine to deal with the drunken Grantaire that would soon be replacing their slightly tipsy one.

 

-

 

Grantaire isn't sober for a month.

 

Éponine wonders how he gets the money to buy the drugs and the booze that he's always losing himself in after a bad fight.

 

She realises and decides not to think about it.

 

-

 

Enjolras returns to their - his - flat to find Grantaire sprawled on the sofa.

 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He stepped closer. "Are you drunk? Are you _high_?"

 

Grantaire nodded, only half-aware. "I w's nev' gon' be good 'nough f' you."

 

"Grantaire, what do you mean?"

 

"Knew I was gon' fuck ev'ythin' up."

 

Enjolras snorted, but still knelt down next to Grantaire's face. "Got that right."

 

"'Cause 'm not good 'nough f' you."

 

"You were," Enjolras murmured.

 

"'F I stayed, y'd need me."

 

"That's not a matter of if you stayed, Grantaire."

 

"Can't cope. Y're too 'mportant."

 

"Then why did you leave?"

 

"Can't watch you die."

 

He began to snore.

 

-

 

When Enjolras woke up the next morning, Grantaire was nowhere to be found.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Without You from Rent.
> 
> Prompt taken from [this](http://sclez.tumblr.com/post/74198962068/submoriarty-sclez-enjolras-breaking-up-with) which I have bookmarked for future reference.


End file.
